“From the agonies of kindergarten, when we first were teased or made fun of in the midst of all our innocence, we have struggled in one way or another with hiding what is obvious about us.”- Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening.
This statement from Nepo has been so true to me for the last year or so. Today, I got in the mail an opportunity to be apart of this national honor society at school. I was really excited at first, happy to finally be getting an award for my hard work last year. Then it hit me. There is an induction ceremony. My heart literally sunk and a minor panic attack followed. I wanted to cry. Back when I was still planning on attending St. Edward’s I went to an honor ceremony for the presidential scholarship award. I have been slightly scarred ever since. I am not big on having the center of attention on me. I am more of a behind-the-scenes type of girl. Most of the time that just makes me modest, but on some occasions makes me a true scaredy-cat. This, my friends, is my greatest fault. Because of a few embarrassing instances or past mistakes, my future decisions are governed on whether this too will be judged. This infuriates me. Do not get me wrong, I am far from perfect, but I do my absolute best not to judge people. So, the fact that I let other people’s responses influence my life annoys me. But I can say that I’m slowly recovering. I still let things bother me, like induction ceremonies, but I am slowly realizing how ridiculous it is. Being around people who love you and accept you just the way you are has helped so much. But, it also goes beyond that. You have to start realizing that you can live, survive, and thrive without other people’s approval. The most incredible individuals I know of have lived just that way. Jesus did it, Nelson Mandela did it, Audrey Hepburn did it, the list is endless. I find that is why I love to write so much. I get to have one-on-one advice from the people I look up to the most, even if I never met them, it does not mean I did not know them. We can learn so much from what those before us have said and written down. I get inspiration and motivation from their quotes and sayings all the time. I suppose my point is that you are not ever really alone in your ventures. Special people do things every day that go against other people’s judgement, and I can bet that when you are in a sense “going against the world” that they support you. I support everyone that stands up and are who they want to be, without giving thought to what other people may think about it. At the end of the day, everyone should just accept who they are. Chances are the more you accept of yourself, the more others will follow suit. So, have a great day and be your beautiful wonderful self (no matter how goofy that may be) !