One of the most challenging things I have had to deal with the past few months is accepting some of the consequences of my decision to withdraw and transfer schools this past semester. It is such a habit to feel like I have to do things the way they were meant to be done. I think one of the hardest things my generation goes through is investing in their education. I’ve always valued my education and sought ways to get the most out of it. But, at the same time, finances have played a huge part in it too. I am someone who has been fortunate to have parents who are capable of supporting my education, but I can’t even imagine what it is like when students have to do it all on their own.
When I found out I wasn’t graduating on time at my old school, I was incredibly infuriated. I had invested all of my energy and resources into my degree there. I didn’t slack and I even took summer school, and yet out of the woodwork comes an inadequate amount of hours. I thought I was steamrolling through to the finish line, so it was crippling to my ambition to keep going. Then I began to look at all the people who had similar occurrences. One of my roommates had the same thing happen to her, and other acquaintances as well. My fiancé was terrified that the school would call him up after he finished his last class and say, “Oh hey, you can’t graduate yet. You don’t meet so-and-so requirement.” He wasn’t able to have that weight taken off his shoulders until the degree was in his hands.
In fact, if I’m honest, it was the single motivating factor that pushed me into a flurry of panic and anxiety that led to me having to take a break and replace my footing. I had a lot of decisions to make. I either waited out the storm there, or I invested my education at a school I had my eye on for a while. I could have waited it out and graduated in the summer, but I was so fed up with the miscommunication that I got to a point where I wanted to throw in the towel completely. Students spend so much time studying, working, and being financially strained that it can be overwhelming. How some of my peers have graduated under harder circumstances is honestly incredible. It didn’t help that I had professors at the time saying, “Oh you are a liberal arts major, you won’t find a decent paying job.” Really! Thanks for the increased motivation!
I’ve had to take a ton of steps back from the situation. I think when I got to the point where I wasn’t sure if it was worth the trouble anymore that everything became incredibly terrifying. But, as difficult as it still is to accept fully everything I’ve decided since then, I’m proud that I took the steps that I did. I do have moments of second-guessing and it isn’t easy to cope with despite everything I’ve learned.
Today was especially rough. I had promised myself to keep up the strong front and not let anyone push me into second guessing myself. I’ve been through the awkward small talk, and while I had my head up through it all I couldn’t help but want to buy this shirt at the end of the day—-
Our society has everyone brainwashed to complete things off a check-list of what is deemed as success– school/college, money, marriage, babies. Not that any of those things are bad, they are incredibly beneficial and make life awesome, but they do not define one’s success. At least, they don’t define mine. And for goodness sakes, I really dislike small talk.
So I’m eloping and going to go live in Costa Rica. Take that! M already said he was up for it. Well, the eloping part (have you seen the price of weddings these days, yeesh). 😉
Ha…. just kidding. But seriously, don’t ask me when I’m graduating, when I’m getting married, and what job I want. I don’t know and nor do I care. Life is in the moment and I’m going to hammer that into my thick skull until the day I die. One of these days, it just might stick.
On a sweeter note, I survived a highly stressful day of trying to sort out my transfer paperwork and getting a vaccination (I strongly dislike shots…). I’ve decided I really should give yoga a try. That and I should listen to Rob Thomas! 🙂 Oh and breathe, breathing is good.
Just keep breathing everyone, and know you are never ever alone. And you can always do what I do, and take a drive/walk and remember why life can be so magical. As they say, and as I need to pound into my head along with many other things- don’t sweat the small stuff (and stop being a sissy!) **And thank you so much to my mom who supported me today, you mean the world to me and hope you know how much I appreciate all you do– love you!!
All images taken from Pinterest