I’ve come up to another crossroads. This seems to be happening a lot lately; bare with me! But, I once again was smacked in the face with the fact that I really should not place too much expectation on future plans (especially since I’m about to be a military spouse, I really want this to be ingrained quick). I essentially have two possible graduation dates and am torn between what I maybe want and what I maybe want. Essentially a bunch of maybe wants. Hello indecision.
For the past few weeks, and months, and probably even years I have asked myself what my passion is. What is my grand purpose? I need to find it. Everyone keeps saying, “follow your dreams.” And honestly, everyone keeps assuming I want to write fiction. Maybe I do, maybe I don’t, it depends on the day. Seriously, though, I have no grand life purpose or passion which seems to go against my love of the novella, The Alchemist, which gives off the idea of having a personal legend- a destiny. The question becomes, what is that exactly? And how do some people know that?
The answer- there is not one. I keep searching and searching– publisher? writer? editor? teacher? professor? journalist? blogger? uhhhhh….. all of the above?
Then I came across someone’s article that honestly sounds like a truly kindred spirit to me–her name is Melissa Kirk. She voiced everything I’ve always thought but could never really…. place a finger on. It was just enough to tell myself that it’s all OK, just relax. I’ve always said I wish I could make a living off of loving M, or by taking care of my family, or reading books (which I guess I could if I somehow managed to be a book critic of some repute). But one section that stuck with me was:
It might make more sense to exhort us to “Find Passion in Something You’re Already Doing”. After all, most of us spend at least some time doing things we love. It may just not be feasible or possible to do it for a living, but we can still find the joy and passion in the times when we DO do those things. And many of us spend a lot of time doing things we don’t necessarily love most of the time (jobs, childrearing, exercising) but know they’re useful in some way. How can we find passion and purpose at those times?
I love reading and writing down random thoughts, maybe someday I’ll become more comfortable with my prose writing. I love being with M and my family, watching my nephew grow up way too fast. I love being outside and enjoying the simple beauty in nature that happens every second, if you just take the time to truly see. I love being artistic on my own terms, just for myself. I love quotes and highlighting all my books to death. I love animals that curl up in my lap and make me laugh at their pure presence. I love life, my passion is life. When M was unsure whether or not he wanted to date me (because I was a handful haha), I like to think my suggestion of the song “Say (All I Need)” by One Republic was the reason he eventually took the leap. I think we have tried our best to live by those lyrics, that all we need is the air we breath. We don’t need anything else to be happy.
So, yes, I will do what I love. It doesn’t mean everything will always go according to “plan”, but I won’t keep chasing something that has always been under my nose. I don’t need a grander purpose than living. This is my motto now, I can finally be at peace. It is OK to have a multitude of what I will term “little passions”. Because, I’ve always believed it is about the journey, not the destination. So, enjoy!
For the full article from Melissa Kirk about The Problem with “Follow Your Dreams”