I’ve changed out of my bulky jackets and the scarves have been put away. The sun isn’t hidden behind clouds and the breeze finally feels warm and sweet from the purple blooms on the vine by my house. I’m thawing out. My winter is over. I don’t live on the East Coast, but my winter was brutal in different ways. While the golden bursts of color and celebrations of cool air subsided as fall slipped into winter, the winter blues stormed in. I graduated from college and the pressures of paying off student loans, finding a job I loved, and trying to regain confidence after a roller-coaster year set in. I began to hunker down and draw myself inward, never wanting to leave my little corner of the world. I liked how it had been. I loved school and I was good at it and now I was supposed to have so many answers, but all I had was questions and worries and “ahhhh”s.
I felt like crying most days. Sometimes from sadness or anxiety, but even sometimes in anger. It literally took less than a year to get disillusioned about everything I believed. I’d like to blame it on the dreary weather, but it was me. I was in a place far from entitlement– I felt like I didn’t deserve anything, including the roof over my head. It was a chaos in my mind and M was in the same storm with me. What I regret was not being able to enjoy the moment, the holidays, and being home.
I like to think of this past winter as my awkward-gawky stage. I was bound to have one at some point, right? I had loads of confidence as a child so I really wasn’t awkward beyond average growing up. But, this last winter, awkward became all I knew.
But that is all melting away. I have an incredible internship that has been an overwhelmingly inspiring and humbling experience. I actually somehow managed to land two internships at once in the land of wordsmiths and copywriting. And they say English Majors are worthless– no baby, we are assets! We just have to believe it and want it.
Then the cherry on top came when I was accepted into a program I’d dreamed of for the past three years. I’m literally glowing. While I shouldn’t have needed the validation, these last two months have been crazy growing experiences and oppurtunites for my future (and my confidence).
I don’t believe in success anymore like I used to. Being alive is a success. The winter taught me just surviving and holding out is success. No, I believe in moments and opportunities now. And dare I say it, I even believe in change. No more fear, only opportunity to grow. And ’tis the season.
It’s time to shine!
Happy Spring Everyone!
And thanks to all of you who stuck with me through a dark winter.
**Image Found on Pinterest**