Only a few weeks old, my first long road trip was with my grandparents and mom to New Mexico while my dad was in Africa.
As the years passed and I got older, I fondly remembered my grandparents as New Mexico dwellers. They were Texas souls that found a deep love for those mountains that rise up in far West Texas and beyond. I look at pictures of a tiny me exploring sleepy ski slopes in the summer and remember long drives through pine trees.
Wide open spaces call to me all the time these days. As I wander through everyday living, I’m reminded of these places. Places with people that I love and miss. It’s a deep yearning, and some days I want to dive into it and worry with outcomes later.
Would it be wise to disappear in these vast, yet distantly familiar lands?
Not too long ago, I read about the Portuguese word: “saudade.” What has been worming around in my heart for the past few years finally had a definitive term: “nostalgic longing for something or someone that one was fond of and which has been lost.” Often described as “the love that remains” or “the love that stays” after a time or person is gone.
Unconsciously, I’ve been retracing my steps through the years. I’m not sure how healthy it is, digging so deep into the past. My desire to share such important pieces of my childhood with Mason has been incredibly powerful. But more than the need to share, it feels like a soul search… or, perhaps a need to remember.
Remember that girl with the white-blond hair and curious green eyes? Her joy, energy, love? She’s still there. She’s still here. Not all things pass. And yes, her stories, both fictional and true, are worth writing.
Writers, artists, creatives… we’re constantly soul-searching. We turn ourselves inside out to see what’s hiding in all the light and shadows. We’re psychologists that analyze and then share our research with the world.
And right now, I’m researching my feelings of saudade. I think there are some treasures to be shared there, and I’m enjoying the roads they are taking me on.
Happy memories are the best kind to explore, and oftentimes, lead to new revelations. This time, I think it’s just to remember to hold onto the ones you love and make as many memories as possible before they too must go.