The Beginning and the End

It is an extremely odd feeling sitting here at my parent’s dining room table writing this post, especially as M and I wrap up our year with our six year anniversary. This month will probably go in the books as the strangest one yet. Not for any particular reason. It’s a multitude of things. My last final exam was weird as I said goodbye to my professor knowing it was probably the last time. Ever. As I walked out of the building I felt ecstatic, but also pretty terrified. I could have easily burst into tears had I not been in public. It was a strange mix of emotions to feel all at once. Joy. Pride. Shock. Elation. Panic. Freedom. Fear. All I have now is the knowledge I gained and my writing. We’ve literally been taking every day after that by the seat of our pants. While at times it can be tense, I couldn’t imagine making this transition without M.

Nothing seems to ever go the way I think it will, which I am thankful for. Life would be boring otherwise. I always said I wanted an adventure, and we got that.

I have absolutely no idea where life is going to take us. Not at all. Zilch. The horizon is the limit. Cue existential crisis. I’m only slightly joking. Sometimes I wonder if I did everything wrong, but then I remember there is no right way. Je ne regrette rien.

The last six years with M equaled my high school graduation, the beginning of college, endless travels together to some of our favorite places, M’s journey into an out-of-the ordinary “you want to do what?!” career path, major letdowns and pick back ups, and my college graduation. The fact that we’ve been together through all of that and get to be together still today gives me the faith I need on days when I feel like we are both hitting our heads against the wall trying to pursue our dreams. So as we meet the new year with endless job applications and long nights staying up trying to define who we are going to be, I hope we never forget that nothing worth anything ever comes easy. And when we start to be weighed down, I hope we find our way back to the basics. This moment. Here. Now. That’s the only thing worth anything.

Have a happy right now everyone.

All we can do is stay happy and stay alive.



4 thoughts on “The Beginning and the End

  1. Happy New Year! From the perch of age, I can assure you that life hardly ever comes easy, that you will be constantly pursuing your dreams – what gets a little bit easier is the process. Of acceptance, of decision-making, of becoming. But you are on the right track so try and have fun during all the in-betweens!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s